The NEW rule book

So now it's time for you to lay down the law. Ask her to change. Tell her you're not going to put up with her behavior any more. To get you started, here's a list of 10 basic rules that you should print out and hand over to every woman in your life. From now on, these are the rules she can abide by:

1- LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE Say what you mean, ask for what you want directly. Expecting a man to interpret indirect signals and read your mind is not communication.

2- LEARN TO BE CONSISTENT Irrational behavior just doesn't cut it. If you say you're going to do something, then follow through and do it. Be honest with yourself -- don't say one thing and do another. And for God's sake, don't change your mind a million times.

3- STOP USING SEX AS BAIT If you want to have sex, then have sex. Don't use sex as a tool to manipulate men. And another thing: Stop tempting men with low-cut dresses or bare midriffs and then blame them for trying to get you into bed. If you need attention that badly, go see a shrink.

4- DEVELOP A CONSCIENCE Stop abusing your sexual power. Many women have no ethical dilemmas at all about using men for favors or financial gain by dangling the promise of sex in front of them. Not only is this deceitful and immoral, but it's a double standard nothing short of fraud.

5- KNOCK OFF THE MIXED MESSAGES If you're interested in a guy, let him know it. Ditto with sex. Maybe playing hard to get is cool if you're 12 years old, but it's just annoying 20 years later. Refer to rule #1 -- men aren't able to read minds, so don't expect them to.

6- STOP EXPECTING MEN TO FINANCE YOUR LIFE This is the 2000's, for God's sake -- women are enjoying unparalleled career and earning opportunities, and it's unfair to treat men like ATM machines, especially when many women are earning as much or more than we are. It may be a great scam, but at its core, it's nothing but age-old prostitution -- trading sex for money.

7- IF YOU EXPECT EQUALITY, THEN ACT LIKE IT Equal rights means equal rights across the board -- not just when it's in your best interests. If you expect equal pay, then expect to be drafted and pay your share of dating expenses, too.

8- STOP BLAMING MEN FOR ALL YOUR PROBLEMS We aren't what's wrong -- you are.

9- JUST BE NICE Can't you just be nice? Nobody likes a nasty, self-serving bitch. And men today are very, very tired of self-serving bitches.

10- READ "THE RULES" That's right, read it. Then do the opposite of every piece of advice the authors give. This is an ugly little book written by two women who know nothing at all about men and a lot about female greed.

Whip free

So there you have it, guys. It's time to get that p-whip out her hands and start reclaiming your rights as a man.

Matthew Fitzgerald of